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Yesterday I silently celebrated the birth of my first son, Miles. He turned five! Wow, has it really been five years? Time seems irrelevant as the feelings are still so raw. I keep them buried inside and let them to the surface only once in a while. Reading my journal entries brings me right back to that moment in time when I first held my little boy and gave him to the arms of the parents he would know as Mom and Dad. I will never regret placing my son into the family of the Browns. His upbringing is by far more stable and happy than I could have offered to him at the time.
The phone rang later in the afternoon- Miles was calling me! “Hi Miles! How are you?” “Good” he replies, “It’s my birthday!” I am smiling ear to ear at this point. No pain or sadness entering my heart, much to my surprise. We continued our conversation for a few minutes. “Miles, Do you know who I am?” without a pause, Miles says “Yup! You’re Amberly!”
Dear my precious Miles,
I have so much love for you in my heart, I don’t even know where to start. When I look into your sweet, innocent, dark blue eyes…tears well up in mine. They look up at me in wonder and awe, I so wish to know what you are thinking! I love your fingers and how they touch your handsome face. It;s like you are always thinking or dreaming – just like me! Last night I got lost in your eyes for hours. You kept looking at me and moving your sweet lips, making me laugh and smile. I wish your could remember these moments. When I was your source for food and comfort. I would hold you close and rock your gently. I get lost in my own little world with you. No one else exists…the outside world fades away. Everyday is going to get even more special than the one before. You are always changing and growing! I;m learning more about you every minute we share together. I love you so much my precious son. I can only sleep knowing you are right next to me, I’m waiting for the nurse to bring you back to me then I will take you and hold you close. I will always be there for you. Love, Your mother, Amberly
This is a journal entry that I wrote around the birth of my son, Miles. I placed him up for adoption to a wonderful couple “The Browns” in March 2009. The adoption is open so I’m able to see him grow up and he knows who I am :)
I’m writing to you in the room where you were born. My heart is filled with so much love and a small piece of sadness. I want you to know how hard this is for me. I almost change my mind every time I see your handsome face or feel your presence in the room. But I am reassured that I made the right decision every time I hear, talk to, or even think about the Browns. I am so excited that you are able to go to a home with two loving parents who are so excited to welcome you. You will have a bed and clothes, and so many toys! I know you deserve that. It would be selfish of me to keep you to myself. I would’t want you to miss out on having a family. Trust me, I know I could raise you and be your mother but that life would be hard and rough and not as beneficial to you in the long run. You know how people say “Get your head out of the clouds?” Well, I’m the opposite… my head needs to be in the clouds- high about the earthly expectations-and be closer to heaven to see the whole picture. I can see now why girls decide to keep their baby. It is so hard. I am crying every second. I know I have to have faith in the Lord because everything I have gone through all points in his direction. I need to humble myself and come to him with a broken heart because only he can heal me. Miles, you have made me a better person. 9 months ago I was still a kid. My view of life has changed dramatically. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. Designed specifically for our strengths. You were in my plan the moment I came into this world. That’s why when I knew I was pregnant at 19 the sudden shock and tears were not there. It was almost if God whispered in my ear that my test had just begun. I felt at peace. It was a long hard road for me emotionally and mentally. Every time I felt you kick, I smiled. You moved around so much. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you and love you with all of my heart. When I look into your eyes I can see a lot of kindness and understanding. I know you will understand that I am doing the best thing for you. When you are old enough to know the whole story, I have so much faith that you will love me too. I will see you grow everyday and be so proud that I created your life. You are here for a reason, Miles. I know that with all my heart. I love you!
A week ago today I left for a Millionaire Mind Intensive in Provo, Utah. I was so excited to go, not only because I was ready for a new perspective on money, but because I needed a break from my current reality! After a life changing, mind blowing weekend I arrived home with a brand new attitude. Maybe it was the “high” from the event or perhaps I significantly raised my vibration.
I now look at life with possibility and excitement. I am able to slow down and spend time with Max, fully embracing every moment. Money doesn’t seem so daunting and unattainable. Opportunities have started flowing and I couldn’t be more thrilled!
Today, however, was tougher than normal. Not my circumstances but my overall feeling in general. Stress, Overwhelm, Sadness… creeping into my mind. Little things bothered me…. my goodness how I want a place to call my own! Will I ever break free?
When Max took his afternoon nap, I took advantage of the alone time. I decided to indulge a little with a warm bath. If your a mom you know what I mean by indulge! It always makes me feel just a little better than before.
Feeling better, little by little, is the key to breaking out of a down-ward spiral.
I always use goDesana essential oils in baths because of the healing properties, especially emotional. It also gives me a mini vacation…where I feel pampered and rejuvenated.
Today it was the STILL blend that jumped out at me. I opened the bottle…smelled the oil and wow, it was the absolute perfect blend for how I was feeling!
- Aromatic and sensual blend, to help soothe and ease the transition from the fast pace and worries of your day to a relaxing evening.
- Particularly helpful when we have taken on more than we feel we can handle and are overwhelmed.
- Helps to ground us and allow peace of mind to reevaluate our priorities, take a step out of the chaos and see where we can de-stress.
- To relax and calm your mind, body, and spirit.
My mood was immediately uplifted! I can honestly say I won’t go a day without an essential oil. Here is the link to the STILL essential oil blend!
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We’ve all heard the phrase “Eating for two” but how many women take that literally? In reality, pregnant women should only be consuming about 300-500 extra calories a day.
We know that not all calories are created equal so when your mindset is “I can eat whatever I want because I’m pregnant” it will actually hurt you (and your baby) in the long run.
It is believed that mother’s who consume a lot of junk food while pregnant actually program their baby to have those same cravings.
Let’s change the phrase “Eating for two” to “Eating SMART for two”
Now, I’m not saying anything we need to be on any sort of strict diet. What I am saying is that eating as healthy as possible with extra healthy snacks will help keep your energy level up…nourish your growing baby…and keep the extra weight off.
Remember that you will carry the extra weight after your pregnancy which might contribute to the “baby blues”.
If you are hungry…then eat! If you want ice cream…indulge in moderation. You are creating human life after all! Experts say that it’s okay to indulge once in a while. It’s the overall diet that matters most.
Cravings can also signal missing nutrition that your body is starving for. For example: If you crave chocolate like crazy…your body is crying out for magnesium!
Also, If you experience “charlie horses” at all during pregnancy you might just need some magnesium.
Cutting down the size of your indulgent treat with help cut calories and satisfy all the same!
Next time you crave something ask yourself…Am I really hungry or do I need some comfort. Sometimes just a glass of water and a nice, warm bubble bath might do the trick.
Remember that everything you eat…the baby eats too!
- Eat as much fresh, whole food as you can to help your baby grow as healthy as possible.
- A few necessities during my pregnancy are : Smooth Vitality which is a Raw, Vegan meal replacement shake that you can add in with your regular meals or as a snack. Green Vitality is a 25 raw, organic greens powder that you can sip on through out the day! Magnesium Be-Calm which keeps those charlie horses away and helps me feel good.
Plan out healthy snacks and carry them around with you to avoid a hunger attack.
- Make your own trail mix with almonds, raisins, pumpkin seeds, small serving of raw dark chocolate..etc, a banana/apple/pear with peanut or almond butter, or fresh veggies with hummus.
Don’t forget to move! Stretching/Yoga and Walking are amazing and not very strenuous at all.
- It will help keeps those unnecessary pounds of my utilizing the calories that you are consuming.
Relax when you can. Being stressed out while pregnant can actually create a lot of problems to your little one such as pre-term labor!
- Taking a bath with Lavender or Frankincense Essential oils will help relax you (which relaxes your baby too!)
If you are interested in trying out Smooth Vitality, Green Vitality, and Magnesium Be-Calm…check out
Following these guidelines have worked for me personally. I’ve had an amazing experience with my last pregnancy as well as this one so far :)
With Max, I gained a total of 17 lbs and was able to walk out of the hospital in my pre-pregnancy clothes. The only maternity item I bought was a more comfortable bra and a belly band! All women are different but keeping the mindset of “Eating SMART for two” will help keep unwanted weight gain down and your energy level up. Which will make you very happy once the bundle of joy has arrived!
Thanks for reading!
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“The wall between “being positive” and “being negative” is not as big as you may think it is. It’s actually very thin. Never think there is a great distance between the two. It only takes a small change in perspective, a little humor, an ounce of acceptance, an intuitive new action, some conscious movement or exercise, a deep breath, or a tiny crack of light coming in the door to put you back in a positive vibration.” ~Michael Alperstein
This quote couldn’t have crossed my path at a better time.
I’ve been trying to stay optimistic but sometimes life can get discouraging.
Like for example:
Sleeping on my parents couch, watching my savings dwindle as I wait for a job interview call back, taking care of my adorable 14 month old, Max, half way to baby number two….ahhhhh. :)
Time to check in and my change perspective!
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be “negative”?
When things in your life are less than desirable…you start to think “of course, I never have any luck” or “nothing ever goes my way” This is where the “negative spiral” starts to spin out of control.
You left your vehicle lights on and oops! the battery is dead, which puts you right smack dab in the morning traffic, causing you to tick off your boss…so on and so on. Coincidence? hmmm.
What about when you feel happy, energetic, optimistic and life seems to be on your side?
You hit all the green lights, a kind stranger pays for your coffee, you meet someone amazing and they change your life. Even if something doesn’t go as planned, you may see it as a “meant to be” situation and it doesn’t cause your good mood to shift. Hence the “upward spiral”.
No coincidence here. We can thank the Universe for this one. It’s called the Law of Attraction.
The Law of Attraction basically means that whatever we think about…we bring about. If we are constantly worrying about stuff-the Universe gives us more stuff to worry about! Same goes in the opposite direction. If we are looking for the opportunity to learn in every situation that comes our way and fully believe in the our own power to create…we attract positive circumstances.
If it were so easy then everyone would be living the life of their dreams! It actually takes a lot of self-control, patience and practice. Once you catch yourself thinking of something that happened to you that you didn’t like or something that makes you feel like crap, you must:
STOP! Don’t even go there. You don’t want more crap to deal with.
LIFT! Elevate your mood. Think of something, anything, that makes you happy! *youtube: cute baby laughs* :)
SHIFT! Change your perspective and move forward. The quicker you catch yourself, the easier it will be the next time.
The secret is to really pay attention to how you feel and not just what you think. The feeling is what attracts the situations and people to you. It takes time and practice but eventually it will be come second nature.
Now, I’m not suggesting we walk around like positive, naive airy-fairies. However, just knowing that we are the creator of our own world by simply shifting our thoughts and perspective to something that makes us FEEL good is an oh so powerful tool!
No matter what my current life circumstances are, I still feel an inner peace, joy, and excitement for the future! There are times when I have to catch myself falling down the negative spiral and now it’s actually humorous. “Look what I just created…how cute” :D
Take a moment right now and quickly evaluate how you feel and what your current life situation is. Is it negative or positive?
Remember: STOP! LIFT! and SHIFT!
Yay! I’m so excited. Max’s nanny started this morning which allowed some much-needed me time! I decided to try a yoga class at Balance, downtown Logan, UT. I’ve practiced yoga for about 7 years on my own but never in a class setting.
The room had such an energetic and welcoming vibe to it. A peaceful melody was playing softly through the speakers.
After an hour of stretching, shaking and pushing myself – I honestly felt so alive!
I followed up by applying the goDesana Whole Body Collection (essential oils) to my feet and drinking 16oz of water. The soreness in my muscles quickly faded, leaving me refreshed, energetic and ready to take on the day. I couldn’t stop smiling. This is definitely going to be a weekly event.
Life as a single mom is a constant balancing act. I want to give my son all the love and attention he deserves but sometimes it can feel like a challenge. When I’m stressed out about what’s currently going on in my life, Max feels stressed out too.
I’ve been listening to my intuition a lot more lately and the words “self-love and self-care” seem to repeat themselves through out the day. It dawned on me that loving oneself by making time to pamper and take care of our bodies is 100% necessary. When you are constantly giving without replacing the energy back to yourself–you can quickly burn out, which isn’t good for anyone! This is why self-care is so important. Whether it’s taking time to prepare a healthy, organic meal, getting a massage or facial, taking a yoga/fitness class, hiking in the mountains to soak in the sunrise, or anything that makes your soul feel good. I finally decided to hire a nanny for a couple hours a day, a few days a week, just to get into some quality time with me and my health coaching business.
If you have small children, it’s important to remember that every moment is a memory embedded into their little minds. If they feel blown off, stressed out, and upset, they will rebel in ways that add to your stress! Take some time away from house-work, blogging (if you work from home), Facebook-social media, etc. This will make your child(ren) happy and feel loved because they have your undivided attention. It also gives you another chance to add in self-care by connecting with your inner-child.
Go for a walk, to the park, dance, sing, laugh, play!
Go with the flow and make memories with your babies and don’t forget to take some special time for YOU
If you are interested in hearing more about the Whole Body Collection and how it can help you add in some self-care…feel free to msg/comment or visit my website: